During the past 4 months I have dealt with yet another Major Depression in my life. The side-effects cost me my girlfriend, and several other friends that I had considered important to me. Its been difficult and I've had a really hard time letting go and moving on. I truly believe that this most recent girlfriend was my last chance at a lifetime partner. So, letting her go has not been something that I have wanted to do. I've held on for the last two months, trying to convince myself that at any moment she would call, stop by, write, etc and tell me where things stood between us and then we could move forward, maybe trying to be friends first. Today I finally realized that she had told me where I stood 2 months ago when she told me good-bye. Of the friends that I have lost, only one gave me any hope of reconciliation. So, tonight I wrote to my ex and told her I was letting go, I still love her and I hate admitting that perhaps the chemistry that we once felt really is dead. But, just holding on to a pipe dream is eating me alive. The other friend that gave me some hope I also wrote to tonight and apologized for all the hurt I had caused her. It may not do any good, but I said what I wanted to say.
A good friend of mine did point out to me that perhaps I was ending the relationship as Ellen, maybe there will be hope for a relationship with Aaron. I'm not going to cling to that too tightly, but I do like the prospect.
Good night all.
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