I lost my nerve

Well, I went to visit my parents for dinner this evening, letter in my back pocket, and full of the desire to tell them everything. But, then we had dinner, and then there was a Red Sox game, and they lost, and then..... I just couldn't bring myself to tell them. I didn't know how to get their attention, and I didn't think trying to read the letter to them with Deliverance playing in the background was a great idea. I knew it had to be done, so I wrote a note that said "I'm sorry, I lost my nerve to read this to you" and left it on the kitchen table where mom will likely find it in the morning (if not before).
I really wish that I hadn't done things this way. This takes away ALL of my power in the situation. Now I just get to wait for the shoe to drop, for the phone call to come, for the disappointment to appear. I can sit here and imagine it all, and at some point tomorrow it will all explode. I'll have to be on the defensive from the moment the phone rings. I can't just answer it with a happy hello, and not expect that the next comments are going to be from my mom in tears. I wish I hadn't done things this way, but there is no changing it now. Just another in my 3 month long string of bad relationship moves.
I'm sorry Mom and Dad. I'm sorry I told you this way. I had to tell you, and I've left you a way to find out, but it isn't over yet and I'm still hiding behind a mask for you. I love you both, I hope you know that. But, this is what I have to do. I'm sorry.