Okay, I *should* be working on a learning agreement for school/internship, or writing one a paper that is due on Tuesday, or catching up on the multiple chapters that I need to have read by Tuesday, but, I'm not. I have so many little things that I just want to write about and it has been 3 months since my last post, so I feel it is a good time to actually do this.
So brief updates in order of my memory.
My name is legally Aaron Christopher and has been since July 16 (or was it June?) It is also now changed on almost all important documents and accounts, I'm still missing my passport, a bank account, and car insurance. Oh, and medical records..... what a major pain.
My internship was solidified and I'm now an intern with the local School Social Worker. I'm supposedly working 15 hours a week, but I haven't gotten much done this week. I need to finish my learning agreement for a meeting tomorrow with all of my supervisors. I'll get it done, although I really don't want to.
Student loan money doesn't go nearly as far as I thought it should. I don't know what all I have purchased, but I'm practically out of money until Spring. Not good since I am only working 20 hours a week at the store.
School has begun, and I'm really enjoying it, although not a night goes by that I don't sit in class and wonder if this was the right path for me, or will I ever be able to do all of this and do it well. Then something will get said or done and I'll think "yeah, this is where I'm supposed to be". I'm making some good friends in my classes, which is awesome since I'll be spending more time with them than with anyone else for the next two years! They seem to accept me as Aaron, without question and when told that I'm trans (how many times do I have to come out!?) have been very supportive. One of my professors called me 'she' on the second night. I called him on it via e-mail the next day and we had a great conversation about my life, my goals, etc. I think he is going to be a good ally in the department, as well as a mentor and friend. But, perhaps I'm just hoping.
I think that about sums up the update portion. Now for the actual writing....
Part 1.
What tells us that someone is male or female? In most cases it is so much deeper than simply the way we dress, how we wear our hair, etc. Some people seem to manage androgyny with little effort. Perhaps it is the blessing of smaller breasts, slimmer hips, or some physical feature. I can't say for sure. I wish I knew. After almost a year and half on T I'm still getting read as female a good portion of the time. Most of the time strangers see me as Male, but not all. What do some people see that others don't?
I've read blogs that discuss changing the way you stand, so that you appear more male. Being clean shaven vs peach fuzz beards? Vocal intonations? Hand gestures? and even Micro expressions which are the little twitches that you do involuntarily to indicate anything from disgust to pleasure. Who notices what?
I'd love to do some sort of research project to try to figure this out, but it really isn't a social work thing. I don't know if it would be considered psychology, sociology, or anthropology. But, I think it is fascinating. I had a friend once (I've lost track of him) that did research in Linguistics. His topic was "Speech Patterns of Gay Men". I would love to find out what his conclusions were, perhaps I'll have to google it. It seems like there should be some research out there about Visual cues to gendering. I would imagine that it is somewhat culturally specific, since gender roles vary from culture to culture. But, then again it isn't so much about the gender roles.
When I questioned friends on what it could possibly be that causes me to be read as female, the first thing they jumped on was "are you trying to act hyper masculine?" It was felt that 'overacting' would be read more as being a drag king or a super butch lesbian and could therefore cause me to be seen as female. I don't feel that I act particularly hyper masculine. My professor suggested that maybe I dress too androgynously, i.e. jeans, button down shirt, slip on shoes. But, I could sit right right next to a guy wearing similar clothing and he would still be read as male and I would likely be read as female. So, what's the difference? How would you research this? What are your thoughts? Feel free to send me your answers or post your thoughts!
Part 2
Playing well with others or When do I get my way?
This is just a little rant. I hate group projects. Mostly I hate them because my ideas are usually not the most popular and therefore rarely get chosen for the project topic. One of the things we were told at student orientation was that we might want to consider doing most or many of our research projects on the area of social work that we hope to focus on. For me, that would be LGBTQ issues, particularly Trans issues. For most of my cohort it is all about Veterans Issues. While I admit that I am patriotic and thankful to the Vets for all that they do for us. I have little to no interest in actually providing services to them. It just isn't my thing. I'm not a vet, I have no experience being part of a military family, I can't serve in the military because I'm trans, so it just isn't my interest. (I fully support the fact that our vets need services and I'm glad that others are there to provide them and will do a better job at providing them than I will). Sadly, very few people seem to share my interest. So, I'm getting 'stuck' researching veterans health care and mental health options and policy when I'd rather be concentrating on Transgender issues in the health care system. Barriers to care, lack of care, etc. But, I can't because I'm part of a group. I'm thinking that I need to network with the group so that in the future when we are asked to break up into teams perhaps we can move into groups with similar interest topics. (I love the fact that when I start writing I get the little glimpses of insight that I would otherwise miss, that Why didn't I think of that before? moment)
Okay, enough for now. Time to go back to the homework that needs to be done, and then hopefully the steaks will be thawed and I can grill some dinner. With any luck my next post will be sooner rather than later!
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