The semester finally ended on 5/8. I managed to finish up with an A-, B+ and B-, which was pretty good as far as I was concerned.
On 5/16 I had the stones in my Right Kidney blasted into passable sand. That was no fun, but I'm doing much better now.
Also on 5/16 things changed on my MYRadford University page (or whatever it is really called), which led me to believe that perhaps I might have gotten accepted for graduate admission for the fall, but there was no way to know for certain until I returned home and checked my mail. The mail check on Sunday 5/20 confirmed that I have indeed been accepted. I'm shocked, amazed, excited, frightened, and anything but ready. I still have to figure out financial aid, hopefully it will pay for classes and then some. It would be great if it would pay enough that I wouldn't have to work as well. If it is less than what I need then I will have to drop down to part time admission and go from there. It will all work out.
After finding out that the acceptance was for real, I went to church with mom, my brother and his wife. It was the first time I'd been in church since perhaps Christmas. This was mostly due to work, and partially due to not feeling like I wanted to be there for any other reason than to make mom happy. Don't get me wrong, I love my church family, I have a strong faith, etc, but I don't feel the urge to be at church. So I don't go. Mom always taught me that I shouldn't do important things for the wrong reasons. It was announced at church that I had been accepted to Grad school. I got lots of congratulations from friends afterwards, but not one word from mom. That really hurt. I kind of expected it as we had had the talk just a few weeks before about me being/getting too old to be searching for a career. I need to just do something and make some money to live on. She's convinced that perhaps I should just be a convenience store clerk for the rest of my life, because I don't hate the work. I just want to do something more meaningful with my life, and for the first time in a long time I feel that this is the right thing for me to do. We'll see. All I know is that I have too many student loans to payback to work at a gas station for a living.
Now that I've gotten my acceptance out of the way and I know that grad school is starting this fall, its time to make the name change legal and get my driver's license changed. I'm a little hesitant to do it, but it seems like the right thing to do and the next step in the process.
I'll keep you posted and I'll likely make the decision and process the needed paperwork by the end of May (which doesn't give me long to decide!)
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
Happy Belated New Year, FloCoIMo and other assorted things!
Yes, I know, I'm starting off another post with the sentence, It's been awhile, but.....
I can't believe that 2011 is now past tense. It doesn't seem possible that it could be a new year already. December was pretty difficult for me at times. A lot of it was school related, as I had lots of papers/projects/exams all due at the very end. I managed to pull out some decent grades, although not as good as I had hoped, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it will still be good enough to get me into grad school (keep your fingers crossed with me, okay?) But, there was some sadness in reliving memories from 2010, and finding it so difficult to believe that the joy and expectations I had for 2011 had all vanished from possibility as early as the end of January. It was like the hopes and dreams that I had had for Mara and I were a New Year's resolution that we gave up on after 3 weeks. Oh well, what's done is done, and can't be changed. I accept that, I'm moving on, but it does still mess with my head at times.
Otherwise, Christmas played its standard mind games with me, the dealing with family who really ONLY want to accept me as the "woman I was born to be", which is so inaccurate it is sometimes funny. But, it means facing the often times disappointing 'pretty' Christmas gifts with a smile on my face and a kind 'thank you' instead of expressing the internal "OMG, what were you thinking when you bought this? Do you even have a clue about who I am? You've known me for 41 years, what made you think I would like this?" Actually though, my mom did an acceptable job at purchasing me nearly gender appropriate clothing as gifts. Unfortunately, most of it was made to be warn when one is cold, and with the T, I really don't seem to get cold anymore! So, I may never wear them, but we'll see. Old Man Winter may get it cold enough for me to feel it at some point.
The holidays in general were rather uneventful. I spent most of my time working, trying to manage the pain from my kidney stones (yes, I now know that there are 2 of them, not just one), and attempting to stay a few steps ahead of the flu type ick that everyone else seemed to come down with. I am grateful that I only had a day or two that I felt 'fluish'.
So, now that January has begun, I should be doing something creative daily, as that was my goal for FloCoIMo (for those of you who don't know what that is, it is Floyd County Imagination Month, you can find out more about it at http://www.flocoimo.org ) But, I haven't done much of anything. Mostly because I have been busy with work, and partly because I still feel so much attachment to my ex through this. I messed with my head mightily to find that she had rewritten some of her poems from last year and effectively wrote me out of them. I guess I deserve it, or it is something she feels she needs to do. All I know is that it hurt a LOT more than I was expecting it to.
I'm also starting to wonder if perhaps my future might not lay far from Floyd. I work with some really great people, and I've met some awesome people via school and other associations, but I still feel like an outsider here. More and more I realize that there are people that I love and care about here that I can't be in contact with, or rather, I can contact them, they just won't answer. I effectively lost them in the divorce. And that saddens me, because I feel that it severely limits the possibilities that I have to grow, evolve and hopefully date while living here. Maybe I'm wrong and this feeling will pass. I'm not planning on leaving until I've managed to finish grad school, and since I have yet to be accepted, I that means at minimum 2 more years here. We'll see. As I once wrote for a status update "There are always more fish in the sea, but its far easier to catch them if you aren't fishing in a puddle" For what its worth, Floyd is a puddle when it comes to finding a transman accepting partner. And when OKCupid finds one possible match for you in a 50 mile radius, well, it makes you realize just how remote your chances are. I have met someone online though, she is really wonderful, but also very far away and our situations are complicated by more than just distance, but I won't go into that here.
Anyway..... speaking of grad school, I have an application to finish before classes start again. I also need to request transcripts from the 7 or so assorted schools that I have attended, and I desperately need to figure out who I'm going to use for references. That last part has me a bit worried. I'm hoping that I can think of 3 great people who can write great and glowing things about me. I really need someone in the field of Social Work that knows me and can speak to my abilities, I was going to use my sister-in-law, but I'm worried that there will be an issue with the fact that she is my sister-in-law. Opinions, recommendations and volunteers are requested for my referencing positions. Please note that I do need these to be professional references, so if you can say lovely and glowing things about me as a person and your friend, while I appreciate it, it isn't exactly what I need. But, send me an e-mail if you are interested and we'll discuss the possibility.
Classes start in just over a week. I can't wait! I'm taking some interesting classes and one of them is Weight Training, I'm hoping that will help me lose weight and also shape and tone my physique so that I can start passing more frequently as masculine. I'm still only passing at work maybe 50% of the time and that is a big maybe. I'm not certain what I am doing wrong, or if it is just that these people know me and therefore don't notice the changes (or refuse to see them). Although I think a haircut will help (I haven't had one since September!!!!!) And hopefully that will happen next week after I get my tuition money!
In other news, I'm going to start looking for another job. Odd as it seems, I do love what I do , where I work and the people I work with, but, I need more pay. I just don't make enough to make ends meet and that needs to stop ASAP. I'm so behind on my bills that I'm not sure what I'm going to do to get caught up. I'll get there eventually. So, anyone who would like to be a reference for me, again, let me know.
Lets see, not much else to discuss. Despite the lamenting the past that could not be my future, I'm actually rather upbeat and positive about things. I truly believe that I will get into grad school for the fall and that this semester will be my best ever at VT. I know a new job is just around the corner and life is going to get better. 2012 is full of possibilities and I'm going to take advantage of as many of them as are presented to me. Good things are coming my way!
Happy New Year to you all. I will keep you all posted on how things change, and I hopefully will get a picture taken AFTER the haircut (as right now it is driving me nuts and I can't stand the way it looks. Interestingly enough, its become curly! I think it is the T).
I can't believe that 2011 is now past tense. It doesn't seem possible that it could be a new year already. December was pretty difficult for me at times. A lot of it was school related, as I had lots of papers/projects/exams all due at the very end. I managed to pull out some decent grades, although not as good as I had hoped, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it will still be good enough to get me into grad school (keep your fingers crossed with me, okay?) But, there was some sadness in reliving memories from 2010, and finding it so difficult to believe that the joy and expectations I had for 2011 had all vanished from possibility as early as the end of January. It was like the hopes and dreams that I had had for Mara and I were a New Year's resolution that we gave up on after 3 weeks. Oh well, what's done is done, and can't be changed. I accept that, I'm moving on, but it does still mess with my head at times.
Otherwise, Christmas played its standard mind games with me, the dealing with family who really ONLY want to accept me as the "woman I was born to be", which is so inaccurate it is sometimes funny. But, it means facing the often times disappointing 'pretty' Christmas gifts with a smile on my face and a kind 'thank you' instead of expressing the internal "OMG, what were you thinking when you bought this? Do you even have a clue about who I am? You've known me for 41 years, what made you think I would like this?" Actually though, my mom did an acceptable job at purchasing me nearly gender appropriate clothing as gifts. Unfortunately, most of it was made to be warn when one is cold, and with the T, I really don't seem to get cold anymore! So, I may never wear them, but we'll see. Old Man Winter may get it cold enough for me to feel it at some point.
The holidays in general were rather uneventful. I spent most of my time working, trying to manage the pain from my kidney stones (yes, I now know that there are 2 of them, not just one), and attempting to stay a few steps ahead of the flu type ick that everyone else seemed to come down with. I am grateful that I only had a day or two that I felt 'fluish'.
So, now that January has begun, I should be doing something creative daily, as that was my goal for FloCoIMo (for those of you who don't know what that is, it is Floyd County Imagination Month, you can find out more about it at http://www.flocoimo.org ) But, I haven't done much of anything. Mostly because I have been busy with work, and partly because I still feel so much attachment to my ex through this. I messed with my head mightily to find that she had rewritten some of her poems from last year and effectively wrote me out of them. I guess I deserve it, or it is something she feels she needs to do. All I know is that it hurt a LOT more than I was expecting it to.
I'm also starting to wonder if perhaps my future might not lay far from Floyd. I work with some really great people, and I've met some awesome people via school and other associations, but I still feel like an outsider here. More and more I realize that there are people that I love and care about here that I can't be in contact with, or rather, I can contact them, they just won't answer. I effectively lost them in the divorce. And that saddens me, because I feel that it severely limits the possibilities that I have to grow, evolve and hopefully date while living here. Maybe I'm wrong and this feeling will pass. I'm not planning on leaving until I've managed to finish grad school, and since I have yet to be accepted, I that means at minimum 2 more years here. We'll see. As I once wrote for a status update "There are always more fish in the sea, but its far easier to catch them if you aren't fishing in a puddle" For what its worth, Floyd is a puddle when it comes to finding a transman accepting partner. And when OKCupid finds one possible match for you in a 50 mile radius, well, it makes you realize just how remote your chances are. I have met someone online though, she is really wonderful, but also very far away and our situations are complicated by more than just distance, but I won't go into that here.
Anyway..... speaking of grad school, I have an application to finish before classes start again. I also need to request transcripts from the 7 or so assorted schools that I have attended, and I desperately need to figure out who I'm going to use for references. That last part has me a bit worried. I'm hoping that I can think of 3 great people who can write great and glowing things about me. I really need someone in the field of Social Work that knows me and can speak to my abilities, I was going to use my sister-in-law, but I'm worried that there will be an issue with the fact that she is my sister-in-law. Opinions, recommendations and volunteers are requested for my referencing positions. Please note that I do need these to be professional references, so if you can say lovely and glowing things about me as a person and your friend, while I appreciate it, it isn't exactly what I need. But, send me an e-mail if you are interested and we'll discuss the possibility.
Classes start in just over a week. I can't wait! I'm taking some interesting classes and one of them is Weight Training, I'm hoping that will help me lose weight and also shape and tone my physique so that I can start passing more frequently as masculine. I'm still only passing at work maybe 50% of the time and that is a big maybe. I'm not certain what I am doing wrong, or if it is just that these people know me and therefore don't notice the changes (or refuse to see them). Although I think a haircut will help (I haven't had one since September!!!!!) And hopefully that will happen next week after I get my tuition money!
In other news, I'm going to start looking for another job. Odd as it seems, I do love what I do , where I work and the people I work with, but, I need more pay. I just don't make enough to make ends meet and that needs to stop ASAP. I'm so behind on my bills that I'm not sure what I'm going to do to get caught up. I'll get there eventually. So, anyone who would like to be a reference for me, again, let me know.
Lets see, not much else to discuss. Despite the lamenting the past that could not be my future, I'm actually rather upbeat and positive about things. I truly believe that I will get into grad school for the fall and that this semester will be my best ever at VT. I know a new job is just around the corner and life is going to get better. 2012 is full of possibilities and I'm going to take advantage of as many of them as are presented to me. Good things are coming my way!
Happy New Year to you all. I will keep you all posted on how things change, and I hopefully will get a picture taken AFTER the haircut (as right now it is driving me nuts and I can't stand the way it looks. Interestingly enough, its become curly! I think it is the T).
Saturday, October 29, 2011
I Really Need to Blog More
I have been intending to write something new and cool and informative for weeks now, but have been swamped by homework, work, wedding celebrations, and the like, and also plagued by writer's block to take the cake.
I guess I'll start with the briefest of updates on my transition, and then move on to the more emotional stuff that is also part of my changing life. I have now officially hit the 6 months on T mark. That happened on October 15. I feel really good about all the things that have changed. I've lost inches on my hips and thighs as they have become much more muscular and the 'soft protective layer' has migrated up to my waist. This means my jeans have gone from being very loose around the waist and tight over the hips and thighs to fitting comfortably around the waist and being baggy on the hips and thighs. I need new jeans, but currently can't afford them. I think I only have 3 pair of 36x32's so donations to the jeans fund would be most helpful! Aside from that, my voice seems to have settled at a nice low tone and I'm relearning how to sing with the community choir. I'm really enjoying that aspect of things, although I never EVER imagined that my voice would end up this low. I figured I'd be a tenor, which would mean I could sing all the cool songs on the radio just fine. Instead I'm a second bass and my range is much more narrow that I had hoped. Songs on the radio are frequently not in my range, but I manage anyway, its only in the car (mostly) LOL I'm also starting to get a little bit of facial hair that is visible. The texture of the hair has changed and some of them are actually not blonde! Unfortunately, the acne is still about the same and has gotten a bit worse along my jawline. Oh well, maybe that will start to clear up soon, but who knows. I'm still pretty tired most of the time, but that might also be changing a little (keep your virtual fingers crossed for me!) And just over the last week my appetite has really picked up. I had always heard that T makes you hungry all the time. It really hadn't for me. I don't know if it was due to lack of food availability or excess of body fat that has now become a little depleted. I just don't know.
Anyway, in other news. My brother is now married! I'm so happy and excited for him and his new bride. Congrats you guys!
The wedding coincided with my 6 month anniversary on T. It was very nice to be able to go to the wedding in a tie and slacks and not the dress that would have been standard practice years ago. It would have been nicer to have been able to be Aaron to my family and friends, but I chose stay with my given name through the wedding, so as not to cause my change to overshadow the joy of the occasion. It was difficult to be daughter and sister throughout the day. But, it was still a lovely day. It was also difficult because I had hoped a year ago that I would have a date to the ceremony and that she and I would soon be celebrating a year together after the wedding. Obviously, that didn't happen. It was hard being there alone. I still miss her, I worry about the daughter that could have been part of my life. But, I'm moving on. I'm trying to move on. I even had a sort of date on Thursday night. It went well, I think. I'm hoping it will lead to another day, but, time will tell. She is awesome, she seems very sweet, she's really cute, very smart, amazingly caring, and fun to talk to. We seem to have lots in common, so I'm hopeful.
Well, that's about all for now. Classes are going okay, a couple of exams coming up in the next couple of weeks, but that should be okay. Time now to get ready for work.
Thanks for reading.
I guess I'll start with the briefest of updates on my transition, and then move on to the more emotional stuff that is also part of my changing life. I have now officially hit the 6 months on T mark. That happened on October 15. I feel really good about all the things that have changed. I've lost inches on my hips and thighs as they have become much more muscular and the 'soft protective layer' has migrated up to my waist. This means my jeans have gone from being very loose around the waist and tight over the hips and thighs to fitting comfortably around the waist and being baggy on the hips and thighs. I need new jeans, but currently can't afford them. I think I only have 3 pair of 36x32's so donations to the jeans fund would be most helpful! Aside from that, my voice seems to have settled at a nice low tone and I'm relearning how to sing with the community choir. I'm really enjoying that aspect of things, although I never EVER imagined that my voice would end up this low. I figured I'd be a tenor, which would mean I could sing all the cool songs on the radio just fine. Instead I'm a second bass and my range is much more narrow that I had hoped. Songs on the radio are frequently not in my range, but I manage anyway, its only in the car (mostly) LOL I'm also starting to get a little bit of facial hair that is visible. The texture of the hair has changed and some of them are actually not blonde! Unfortunately, the acne is still about the same and has gotten a bit worse along my jawline. Oh well, maybe that will start to clear up soon, but who knows. I'm still pretty tired most of the time, but that might also be changing a little (keep your virtual fingers crossed for me!) And just over the last week my appetite has really picked up. I had always heard that T makes you hungry all the time. It really hadn't for me. I don't know if it was due to lack of food availability or excess of body fat that has now become a little depleted. I just don't know.
Anyway, in other news. My brother is now married! I'm so happy and excited for him and his new bride. Congrats you guys!
The wedding coincided with my 6 month anniversary on T. It was very nice to be able to go to the wedding in a tie and slacks and not the dress that would have been standard practice years ago. It would have been nicer to have been able to be Aaron to my family and friends, but I chose stay with my given name through the wedding, so as not to cause my change to overshadow the joy of the occasion. It was difficult to be daughter and sister throughout the day. But, it was still a lovely day. It was also difficult because I had hoped a year ago that I would have a date to the ceremony and that she and I would soon be celebrating a year together after the wedding. Obviously, that didn't happen. It was hard being there alone. I still miss her, I worry about the daughter that could have been part of my life. But, I'm moving on. I'm trying to move on. I even had a sort of date on Thursday night. It went well, I think. I'm hoping it will lead to another day, but, time will tell. She is awesome, she seems very sweet, she's really cute, very smart, amazingly caring, and fun to talk to. We seem to have lots in common, so I'm hopeful.
Well, that's about all for now. Classes are going okay, a couple of exams coming up in the next couple of weeks, but that should be okay. Time now to get ready for work.
Thanks for reading.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
The BIG DAY!!! REALLY!
Well, the weather was decidedly against me this morning. Woke up early to a thunder storm and dropping temperatures, cloudy skies, and fog. Oh well. Will and I went for SPUDNUTS, which are the BEST doughnuts on the planet. The Blueberry one's were fresh out of the fryer and to die for! It was awesome. Normally, I have Will bring me Spudnuts when he comes to visit. After having them fresh I don't think it will be worth it to me. Which is good for the waistline, but I will miss the yumminess factor.
Anyway.... Taffy and I left Will's place around 11:30. I wanted to go to Costco before going to the Doctor. It was good that we left early, because by the time we were heading back to the doctor there had been an accident on N I-81 and traffic was backed up for like 10 miles. Glad I missed it.
I got to the drs office about a 1/2 hour early. Left the car windows slightly cracked so Taffy wouldn't over heat. Of course by the time I got into an exam room there was a torrential downpour going on outside, so I had wet seats to drive home on. UGH. Anyway... the doctor was very nice. All of my blood work and such was normal and so after 1/2 hour I left with my prescription for Testosterone. Well, actually he supposedly sent it in to the pharmacy.
When I got home, I called the pharmacy so I could pay for it and have it mailed to me. At that point in time it hadn't arrived with them yet. Since it was after the close of the doctors office, I couldn't call them. I'll do that tomorrow morning, then make sure my T is on its way! Which means.... soon, I'll be on my way!
I really will be becoming Aaron Christopher!
Anyway.... Taffy and I left Will's place around 11:30. I wanted to go to Costco before going to the Doctor. It was good that we left early, because by the time we were heading back to the doctor there had been an accident on N I-81 and traffic was backed up for like 10 miles. Glad I missed it.
I got to the drs office about a 1/2 hour early. Left the car windows slightly cracked so Taffy wouldn't over heat. Of course by the time I got into an exam room there was a torrential downpour going on outside, so I had wet seats to drive home on. UGH. Anyway... the doctor was very nice. All of my blood work and such was normal and so after 1/2 hour I left with my prescription for Testosterone. Well, actually he supposedly sent it in to the pharmacy.
When I got home, I called the pharmacy so I could pay for it and have it mailed to me. At that point in time it hadn't arrived with them yet. Since it was after the close of the doctors office, I couldn't call them. I'll do that tomorrow morning, then make sure my T is on its way! Which means.... soon, I'll be on my way!
I really will be becoming Aaron Christopher!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
The End and the Trip
Well, I heard back from the ex, and she is definitely still angry with me and wants nothing to do with me. That nearly broke my heart, but I am still (despite my better judgement) retaining the right to be hopeful and believe that there still will be a chance, its just going to be very far down the road. Maybe I'm crazy, I don't deny that I am at least a bit. But, I do love her, I do miss her, and well, I'm still hopeful.
In other news, I'm visiting my brother and his Finacee this weekend. I have my appointment with the hormone doctor on Tuesday afternoon, and figured since the doctor's office is close to my brother's house, I'd just spend some time with them. It's been a good weekend so far, the weather got warm today and I enjoyed being out and about (read wandering aimlessly through Lowe's with my brother). Looked for some new clothing at Marshall's (why is there no Marshall's in Montgomery county?) Tried to find good Korean food, but the only Korean place was closed (Sunday). Then I wanted Bubble Tea, but that was closed as well. Had good Mexican instead. The salsa was damn good, very spicy, without being killer. If only the food had been as good as the salsa, it wasn't bad, it just didn't live up to the salsa standards!
Anyway... not much else to report.
In other news, I'm visiting my brother and his Finacee this weekend. I have my appointment with the hormone doctor on Tuesday afternoon, and figured since the doctor's office is close to my brother's house, I'd just spend some time with them. It's been a good weekend so far, the weather got warm today and I enjoyed being out and about (read wandering aimlessly through Lowe's with my brother). Looked for some new clothing at Marshall's (why is there no Marshall's in Montgomery county?) Tried to find good Korean food, but the only Korean place was closed (Sunday). Then I wanted Bubble Tea, but that was closed as well. Had good Mexican instead. The salsa was damn good, very spicy, without being killer. If only the food had been as good as the salsa, it wasn't bad, it just didn't live up to the salsa standards!
Anyway... not much else to report.
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