When I was a child the winter holidays held so much magic for me. I remember being tiny and comparing the height of my stack of Christmas gifts with the stack my Grandmother recieved. I loved the gifts. I loved getting together with my family. I loved the food and the decorations. I always looked forward to it and was sad when the days were over.
But, things changed as I got older. I spent most of family get togethers sitting on the stairs watching my family interact. I was an outsider looking in. It wasn't that I felt unloved, or unwanted. I just didn't feel like I 'fit' with them any more. I wanted to and I didn't want to. Its impossible to explain and just as difficult for me to really understand. The magic was vanishing.
After college, when I was married, I spent my first Christmas away from my family. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done. I don't think that I have ever been as homesick as I was that day. However, after surviving the first one away it got easier and easier. I've since found that the holidays are easier when you have someone else to share them with. Two years ago when I was partnered for the first time in a few years I felt the magic come back. And then it faded again. Not because of the ending of the relationship, but more because I changed. Last year I was just over 8 months into my transition and still not fully knowing where things were going for me. I didn't know if I was going to stay Ellen or completely morph into Aaron, so it was easier to b with the people who I fear will never recognize my transition. This year it isn't so easy.
Tonight I sat around a table playing cards with my parents, my brother and his wife, a cousin, an uncle and two aunts. In so many ways it felt safe and comfortable and nostalgic. And then someone would call me Ellen, and I would feel my stomach flip and my heart break just a little. It broke because Ellen isn't here any more, and it broke because I knew that I am hurting the people I love more than all others by doing this, and it broke because I am too weak to stand up for who I am and say my name to them and claim my existance. "I am Aaron" I should have said, but I didn't. I just let my heart break and continued on.
A week or so ago I met with one of my professors to discuss how behind I am with my class work, all the really cool things that are happening in my life that are making it difficult to get my class work completed, and the fact that I'm just exhausted all of the time. After listening to me talk for a bit and mentioning that my Mom still calls me Ellen and how my coworkers and friends deal with my mother about that, she looked at me and said "no wonder you are tired." You are living two lives, trying to manage how everyone else thinks and feels about you, trying to buffer the world for your mother, and manage a situation that shouldn't be so difficult. Basically, I'm working overtime every day just to keep the balls in the air so my mother doesn't have to have my transition shoved in her face and in so doing, I'm denying who I truly am and continuing to shove everything that I'm becoming back into the skin of Ellen, which was never a good fit. And this is only Thanksgiving! Christmas is going to be so much worse.
In less than a week I'm going to give a presentation on what it is like to be Trans to a large group of mental health professionals. For them I have no problem standing up and proclaiming who I am, what I go through every day, what I have gone through during the course of my life, etc. Its not a problem. I'm Aaron, I'm confident (and somewhat self-absorbed) and I can hold my own just being totally real. And just thinking about it I feel like such a huge fraud! I can't be myself in front of my family how can I even begin to think that I know what it is like to be a self-actualized Trans person living in the world and enduring what the world throws at me. Once again I feel that I need to suddenly grow a spine!
And with that, I'm going to call it a night and hope that in the craziness that ensues with a huge family meal tomorrow that I can fly under the radar, hang out with my brother and his wife and escape unscathed with some amount of dignity in tact. Wish me luck.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Coming Out Day
Ah, the joys of coming out. Really? Did I just write that? It was not a joyful thing to come out that first time 13 or so years ago, it was terrifying. I was convinced that my parents would disown me. Although actually, that wasn't my FIRST coming out. I had come out numerous times to other family, friends, co-workers, ex-spouses, etc. Every time was at least a little terrifying, and every time turned out far better than I had hoped and expected. Coming out as a lesbian was a lot less terrifying than coming out as Trans, and a lot easier. People understand sexual attraction better than they understand gender. Coming out as Trans has been a lot more difficult for me, as it usually requires an explanation of what being Trans means. It is also usually accompanied by all the same irrelevant, rude questions. Have you had the surgery yet? Are you going to have the surgery? And then a flurry of well-intentioned compliments that cut like barbed wire. "But, you are such a pretty girl". Followed by more questions that also cut to the core "How do your parents feel? How will you find someone to date? Are you the only one?
There are days I so wish I could just be Aaron and the questions would stop. I would like to walk down the street and not feel people looking at me with their unspoken questions. I would like to not be ma'amed. I would like to not be apologized to when someone gets it right and then thinks they got it wrong. I would like to look back on my boyhood. Heck, some days I'd just like to use the urinal. But, I will likely never have a day when I don't have to come out or have my gender or sexual identity questioned by someone, even if they don't actually ask. Because I have CHOSEN to work as an activist and a supporter of change for laws and policies directed towards LGBTQ individuals, I will likely NEVER have a day when I can just be Aaron. A day when I can just be a brother, a son, a boyfriend, eventually and uncle. I will instead be Aaron, who used to be Ellen who was a girl but is now a boy...........
For me, there is no such thing as Coming Out DAY, it is Coming Out LIFETIME! Perhaps that just means that I should celebrate EVERYDAY! And really, despite my moaning and complaining about coming out over and over and over again, coming out has been a pretty okay thing for me. I don't think I really started living, loving, or maturing until I actually came out. I truly don't believe that I entered mental puberty until I started my transition. I had no clue who I was or what I wanted to be or even if I would survive until AFTER I came out. It was like being born again and again and again.....
So for everyone who is coming out for the first time today, congratulations, today is the first day of the rest of your life and get used to it, because this is not the last time that you will have to stand up and face the masses and be yourself. But, have faith, you can do it. You are not alone. You are loved and cared for by a community of people that you may not have met yet. Keep looking, we are everywhere!
For those of you that find yourself coming out again today for the first time to someone new and the millionth time in your own history, take heart. That's one less person you have to tell tomorrow. And remember all those newbies that need your mentorship. You were a first timer once too!
And finally, for those of you who are lucky enough to have someone come out to you for the first time today keep these things in mind. 1. You must be incredibly special for someone to risk losing you to tell you something so very important about themselves. 2. Remember to thank them for sharing that with you. 3. Tell them how much you support them (unless you don't and then you might as well be honest). 4. Save the questions for another time, but ask if it is okay to ask questions later. Keep today as a celebration of the person that loves you enough to share themselves with you so that you will have a deeper understanding of who they really are. They love you enough to let you love them for who they really are, not for who you want them to be. That's a HUGE thing to do.
There, I said it. Carry on and keep coming out!
There are days I so wish I could just be Aaron and the questions would stop. I would like to walk down the street and not feel people looking at me with their unspoken questions. I would like to not be ma'amed. I would like to not be apologized to when someone gets it right and then thinks they got it wrong. I would like to look back on my boyhood. Heck, some days I'd just like to use the urinal. But, I will likely never have a day when I don't have to come out or have my gender or sexual identity questioned by someone, even if they don't actually ask. Because I have CHOSEN to work as an activist and a supporter of change for laws and policies directed towards LGBTQ individuals, I will likely NEVER have a day when I can just be Aaron. A day when I can just be a brother, a son, a boyfriend, eventually and uncle. I will instead be Aaron, who used to be Ellen who was a girl but is now a boy...........
For me, there is no such thing as Coming Out DAY, it is Coming Out LIFETIME! Perhaps that just means that I should celebrate EVERYDAY! And really, despite my moaning and complaining about coming out over and over and over again, coming out has been a pretty okay thing for me. I don't think I really started living, loving, or maturing until I actually came out. I truly don't believe that I entered mental puberty until I started my transition. I had no clue who I was or what I wanted to be or even if I would survive until AFTER I came out. It was like being born again and again and again.....
So for everyone who is coming out for the first time today, congratulations, today is the first day of the rest of your life and get used to it, because this is not the last time that you will have to stand up and face the masses and be yourself. But, have faith, you can do it. You are not alone. You are loved and cared for by a community of people that you may not have met yet. Keep looking, we are everywhere!
For those of you that find yourself coming out again today for the first time to someone new and the millionth time in your own history, take heart. That's one less person you have to tell tomorrow. And remember all those newbies that need your mentorship. You were a first timer once too!
And finally, for those of you who are lucky enough to have someone come out to you for the first time today keep these things in mind. 1. You must be incredibly special for someone to risk losing you to tell you something so very important about themselves. 2. Remember to thank them for sharing that with you. 3. Tell them how much you support them (unless you don't and then you might as well be honest). 4. Save the questions for another time, but ask if it is okay to ask questions later. Keep today as a celebration of the person that loves you enough to share themselves with you so that you will have a deeper understanding of who they really are. They love you enough to let you love them for who they really are, not for who you want them to be. That's a HUGE thing to do.
There, I said it. Carry on and keep coming out!
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Lots of Little Updates In One Big Post
Okay, I *should* be working on a learning agreement for school/internship, or writing one a paper that is due on Tuesday, or catching up on the multiple chapters that I need to have read by Tuesday, but, I'm not. I have so many little things that I just want to write about and it has been 3 months since my last post, so I feel it is a good time to actually do this.
So brief updates in order of my memory.
My name is legally Aaron Christopher and has been since July 16 (or was it June?) It is also now changed on almost all important documents and accounts, I'm still missing my passport, a bank account, and car insurance. Oh, and medical records..... what a major pain.
My internship was solidified and I'm now an intern with the local School Social Worker. I'm supposedly working 15 hours a week, but I haven't gotten much done this week. I need to finish my learning agreement for a meeting tomorrow with all of my supervisors. I'll get it done, although I really don't want to.
Student loan money doesn't go nearly as far as I thought it should. I don't know what all I have purchased, but I'm practically out of money until Spring. Not good since I am only working 20 hours a week at the store.
School has begun, and I'm really enjoying it, although not a night goes by that I don't sit in class and wonder if this was the right path for me, or will I ever be able to do all of this and do it well. Then something will get said or done and I'll think "yeah, this is where I'm supposed to be". I'm making some good friends in my classes, which is awesome since I'll be spending more time with them than with anyone else for the next two years! They seem to accept me as Aaron, without question and when told that I'm trans (how many times do I have to come out!?) have been very supportive. One of my professors called me 'she' on the second night. I called him on it via e-mail the next day and we had a great conversation about my life, my goals, etc. I think he is going to be a good ally in the department, as well as a mentor and friend. But, perhaps I'm just hoping.
I think that about sums up the update portion. Now for the actual writing....
Part 1.
What tells us that someone is male or female? In most cases it is so much deeper than simply the way we dress, how we wear our hair, etc. Some people seem to manage androgyny with little effort. Perhaps it is the blessing of smaller breasts, slimmer hips, or some physical feature. I can't say for sure. I wish I knew. After almost a year and half on T I'm still getting read as female a good portion of the time. Most of the time strangers see me as Male, but not all. What do some people see that others don't?
I've read blogs that discuss changing the way you stand, so that you appear more male. Being clean shaven vs peach fuzz beards? Vocal intonations? Hand gestures? and even Micro expressions which are the little twitches that you do involuntarily to indicate anything from disgust to pleasure. Who notices what?
I'd love to do some sort of research project to try to figure this out, but it really isn't a social work thing. I don't know if it would be considered psychology, sociology, or anthropology. But, I think it is fascinating. I had a friend once (I've lost track of him) that did research in Linguistics. His topic was "Speech Patterns of Gay Men". I would love to find out what his conclusions were, perhaps I'll have to google it. It seems like there should be some research out there about Visual cues to gendering. I would imagine that it is somewhat culturally specific, since gender roles vary from culture to culture. But, then again it isn't so much about the gender roles.
When I questioned friends on what it could possibly be that causes me to be read as female, the first thing they jumped on was "are you trying to act hyper masculine?" It was felt that 'overacting' would be read more as being a drag king or a super butch lesbian and could therefore cause me to be seen as female. I don't feel that I act particularly hyper masculine. My professor suggested that maybe I dress too androgynously, i.e. jeans, button down shirt, slip on shoes. But, I could sit right right next to a guy wearing similar clothing and he would still be read as male and I would likely be read as female. So, what's the difference? How would you research this? What are your thoughts? Feel free to send me your answers or post your thoughts!
Part 2
Playing well with others or When do I get my way?
This is just a little rant. I hate group projects. Mostly I hate them because my ideas are usually not the most popular and therefore rarely get chosen for the project topic. One of the things we were told at student orientation was that we might want to consider doing most or many of our research projects on the area of social work that we hope to focus on. For me, that would be LGBTQ issues, particularly Trans issues. For most of my cohort it is all about Veterans Issues. While I admit that I am patriotic and thankful to the Vets for all that they do for us. I have little to no interest in actually providing services to them. It just isn't my thing. I'm not a vet, I have no experience being part of a military family, I can't serve in the military because I'm trans, so it just isn't my interest. (I fully support the fact that our vets need services and I'm glad that others are there to provide them and will do a better job at providing them than I will). Sadly, very few people seem to share my interest. So, I'm getting 'stuck' researching veterans health care and mental health options and policy when I'd rather be concentrating on Transgender issues in the health care system. Barriers to care, lack of care, etc. But, I can't because I'm part of a group. I'm thinking that I need to network with the group so that in the future when we are asked to break up into teams perhaps we can move into groups with similar interest topics. (I love the fact that when I start writing I get the little glimpses of insight that I would otherwise miss, that Why didn't I think of that before? moment)
Okay, enough for now. Time to go back to the homework that needs to be done, and then hopefully the steaks will be thawed and I can grill some dinner. With any luck my next post will be sooner rather than later!
So brief updates in order of my memory.
My name is legally Aaron Christopher and has been since July 16 (or was it June?) It is also now changed on almost all important documents and accounts, I'm still missing my passport, a bank account, and car insurance. Oh, and medical records..... what a major pain.
My internship was solidified and I'm now an intern with the local School Social Worker. I'm supposedly working 15 hours a week, but I haven't gotten much done this week. I need to finish my learning agreement for a meeting tomorrow with all of my supervisors. I'll get it done, although I really don't want to.
Student loan money doesn't go nearly as far as I thought it should. I don't know what all I have purchased, but I'm practically out of money until Spring. Not good since I am only working 20 hours a week at the store.
School has begun, and I'm really enjoying it, although not a night goes by that I don't sit in class and wonder if this was the right path for me, or will I ever be able to do all of this and do it well. Then something will get said or done and I'll think "yeah, this is where I'm supposed to be". I'm making some good friends in my classes, which is awesome since I'll be spending more time with them than with anyone else for the next two years! They seem to accept me as Aaron, without question and when told that I'm trans (how many times do I have to come out!?) have been very supportive. One of my professors called me 'she' on the second night. I called him on it via e-mail the next day and we had a great conversation about my life, my goals, etc. I think he is going to be a good ally in the department, as well as a mentor and friend. But, perhaps I'm just hoping.
I think that about sums up the update portion. Now for the actual writing....
Part 1.
What tells us that someone is male or female? In most cases it is so much deeper than simply the way we dress, how we wear our hair, etc. Some people seem to manage androgyny with little effort. Perhaps it is the blessing of smaller breasts, slimmer hips, or some physical feature. I can't say for sure. I wish I knew. After almost a year and half on T I'm still getting read as female a good portion of the time. Most of the time strangers see me as Male, but not all. What do some people see that others don't?
I've read blogs that discuss changing the way you stand, so that you appear more male. Being clean shaven vs peach fuzz beards? Vocal intonations? Hand gestures? and even Micro expressions which are the little twitches that you do involuntarily to indicate anything from disgust to pleasure. Who notices what?
I'd love to do some sort of research project to try to figure this out, but it really isn't a social work thing. I don't know if it would be considered psychology, sociology, or anthropology. But, I think it is fascinating. I had a friend once (I've lost track of him) that did research in Linguistics. His topic was "Speech Patterns of Gay Men". I would love to find out what his conclusions were, perhaps I'll have to google it. It seems like there should be some research out there about Visual cues to gendering. I would imagine that it is somewhat culturally specific, since gender roles vary from culture to culture. But, then again it isn't so much about the gender roles.
When I questioned friends on what it could possibly be that causes me to be read as female, the first thing they jumped on was "are you trying to act hyper masculine?" It was felt that 'overacting' would be read more as being a drag king or a super butch lesbian and could therefore cause me to be seen as female. I don't feel that I act particularly hyper masculine. My professor suggested that maybe I dress too androgynously, i.e. jeans, button down shirt, slip on shoes. But, I could sit right right next to a guy wearing similar clothing and he would still be read as male and I would likely be read as female. So, what's the difference? How would you research this? What are your thoughts? Feel free to send me your answers or post your thoughts!
Part 2
Playing well with others or When do I get my way?
This is just a little rant. I hate group projects. Mostly I hate them because my ideas are usually not the most popular and therefore rarely get chosen for the project topic. One of the things we were told at student orientation was that we might want to consider doing most or many of our research projects on the area of social work that we hope to focus on. For me, that would be LGBTQ issues, particularly Trans issues. For most of my cohort it is all about Veterans Issues. While I admit that I am patriotic and thankful to the Vets for all that they do for us. I have little to no interest in actually providing services to them. It just isn't my thing. I'm not a vet, I have no experience being part of a military family, I can't serve in the military because I'm trans, so it just isn't my interest. (I fully support the fact that our vets need services and I'm glad that others are there to provide them and will do a better job at providing them than I will). Sadly, very few people seem to share my interest. So, I'm getting 'stuck' researching veterans health care and mental health options and policy when I'd rather be concentrating on Transgender issues in the health care system. Barriers to care, lack of care, etc. But, I can't because I'm part of a group. I'm thinking that I need to network with the group so that in the future when we are asked to break up into teams perhaps we can move into groups with similar interest topics. (I love the fact that when I start writing I get the little glimpses of insight that I would otherwise miss, that Why didn't I think of that before? moment)
Okay, enough for now. Time to go back to the homework that needs to be done, and then hopefully the steaks will be thawed and I can grill some dinner. With any luck my next post will be sooner rather than later!
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
OFFICIAL
The name change was approved. Now I just have to transfer the new name to all the old accounts, documents, schools, etc.
And with the new law in effect when I go to the DMV to change my name I can also change my gender marker to M!
Yippee
And with the new law in effect when I go to the DMV to change my name I can also change my gender marker to M!
Yippee
Saturday, June 16, 2012
So MUCH has happened!
I really should post more often as a lot of really awesome things have been happening recently and I have done a very poor job at relaying/chronically any of it. So here goes, as quickly as I can possibly update (as I have to get ready for work in about 15 minutes)
1. I was officially accepted to grad school at Radford University to work towards a Masters in Social Work on 5/16 (at least, that is when I found out!)
2. I finally had the stones in my right kidney blown to bits, also on 5/16!
3. I think I have full coverage for my tuition and fees for the year, sadly it is through student loans, but I'm hoping that I can work on that as I don't want to be paying back loans for 20 years after retirement.
4. I will likely have an internship in Floyd for the first two semesters. Sadly, this may require wearing a suit and tie every day. So I found two suits at Goodwill for $7 each!
5. I OFFICIALLY filed for my name change to Aaron Christopher two days ago. The woman at the clerk's office was less than cordial about accepting my paperwork. Hopefully the judge will be more open-minded, but we shall see. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
I think that is the majority of the big things. I'll write more about all of it later as it is time to start thinking about food, hopping in the shower, taking Taffy out, etc!
1. I was officially accepted to grad school at Radford University to work towards a Masters in Social Work on 5/16 (at least, that is when I found out!)
2. I finally had the stones in my right kidney blown to bits, also on 5/16!
3. I think I have full coverage for my tuition and fees for the year, sadly it is through student loans, but I'm hoping that I can work on that as I don't want to be paying back loans for 20 years after retirement.
4. I will likely have an internship in Floyd for the first two semesters. Sadly, this may require wearing a suit and tie every day. So I found two suits at Goodwill for $7 each!
5. I OFFICIALLY filed for my name change to Aaron Christopher two days ago. The woman at the clerk's office was less than cordial about accepting my paperwork. Hopefully the judge will be more open-minded, but we shall see. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
I think that is the majority of the big things. I'll write more about all of it later as it is time to start thinking about food, hopping in the shower, taking Taffy out, etc!
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Life Update
The semester finally ended on 5/8. I managed to finish up with an A-, B+ and B-, which was pretty good as far as I was concerned.
On 5/16 I had the stones in my Right Kidney blasted into passable sand. That was no fun, but I'm doing much better now.
Also on 5/16 things changed on my MYRadford University page (or whatever it is really called), which led me to believe that perhaps I might have gotten accepted for graduate admission for the fall, but there was no way to know for certain until I returned home and checked my mail. The mail check on Sunday 5/20 confirmed that I have indeed been accepted. I'm shocked, amazed, excited, frightened, and anything but ready. I still have to figure out financial aid, hopefully it will pay for classes and then some. It would be great if it would pay enough that I wouldn't have to work as well. If it is less than what I need then I will have to drop down to part time admission and go from there. It will all work out.
After finding out that the acceptance was for real, I went to church with mom, my brother and his wife. It was the first time I'd been in church since perhaps Christmas. This was mostly due to work, and partially due to not feeling like I wanted to be there for any other reason than to make mom happy. Don't get me wrong, I love my church family, I have a strong faith, etc, but I don't feel the urge to be at church. So I don't go. Mom always taught me that I shouldn't do important things for the wrong reasons. It was announced at church that I had been accepted to Grad school. I got lots of congratulations from friends afterwards, but not one word from mom. That really hurt. I kind of expected it as we had had the talk just a few weeks before about me being/getting too old to be searching for a career. I need to just do something and make some money to live on. She's convinced that perhaps I should just be a convenience store clerk for the rest of my life, because I don't hate the work. I just want to do something more meaningful with my life, and for the first time in a long time I feel that this is the right thing for me to do. We'll see. All I know is that I have too many student loans to payback to work at a gas station for a living.
Now that I've gotten my acceptance out of the way and I know that grad school is starting this fall, its time to make the name change legal and get my driver's license changed. I'm a little hesitant to do it, but it seems like the right thing to do and the next step in the process.
I'll keep you posted and I'll likely make the decision and process the needed paperwork by the end of May (which doesn't give me long to decide!)
On 5/16 I had the stones in my Right Kidney blasted into passable sand. That was no fun, but I'm doing much better now.
Also on 5/16 things changed on my MYRadford University page (or whatever it is really called), which led me to believe that perhaps I might have gotten accepted for graduate admission for the fall, but there was no way to know for certain until I returned home and checked my mail. The mail check on Sunday 5/20 confirmed that I have indeed been accepted. I'm shocked, amazed, excited, frightened, and anything but ready. I still have to figure out financial aid, hopefully it will pay for classes and then some. It would be great if it would pay enough that I wouldn't have to work as well. If it is less than what I need then I will have to drop down to part time admission and go from there. It will all work out.
After finding out that the acceptance was for real, I went to church with mom, my brother and his wife. It was the first time I'd been in church since perhaps Christmas. This was mostly due to work, and partially due to not feeling like I wanted to be there for any other reason than to make mom happy. Don't get me wrong, I love my church family, I have a strong faith, etc, but I don't feel the urge to be at church. So I don't go. Mom always taught me that I shouldn't do important things for the wrong reasons. It was announced at church that I had been accepted to Grad school. I got lots of congratulations from friends afterwards, but not one word from mom. That really hurt. I kind of expected it as we had had the talk just a few weeks before about me being/getting too old to be searching for a career. I need to just do something and make some money to live on. She's convinced that perhaps I should just be a convenience store clerk for the rest of my life, because I don't hate the work. I just want to do something more meaningful with my life, and for the first time in a long time I feel that this is the right thing for me to do. We'll see. All I know is that I have too many student loans to payback to work at a gas station for a living.
Now that I've gotten my acceptance out of the way and I know that grad school is starting this fall, its time to make the name change legal and get my driver's license changed. I'm a little hesitant to do it, but it seems like the right thing to do and the next step in the process.
I'll keep you posted and I'll likely make the decision and process the needed paperwork by the end of May (which doesn't give me long to decide!)
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Realizations
Last night I drove home from an outing with friends and classmates in Blacksburg. I had been listening to Sara Bareilles on the drive over and back. The one song that kept popping up and reminding me of the ex was "Say You're Sorry". I realized that I'm still looking for an apology that I will probably never get.
And then.....
Earlier today I had the opportunity to watch a recorded performance of my ex reading a poem she wrote. I took advantage of the opportunity and realized a couple of things.
1. She's not as beautiful as I remember
2. My heart didn't go pitter patter at the sound of her voice
3. My poems are better
4. I'm better off without her
and (this is the best one)
5. I'm free
I just thought I would share. Looking forward to better things.
And then.....
Earlier today I had the opportunity to watch a recorded performance of my ex reading a poem she wrote. I took advantage of the opportunity and realized a couple of things.
1. She's not as beautiful as I remember
2. My heart didn't go pitter patter at the sound of her voice
3. My poems are better
4. I'm better off without her
and (this is the best one)
5. I'm free
I just thought I would share. Looking forward to better things.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)