Considering writing/posting a rather risqué article (can I call these posts articles?). Current topic would have to do with sex, masturbation, sex drive, you get the picture.....
Any objections or other thoughts on the subject?
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Libra Horoscope for week of June 2, 2011
When people unsubscribe from my newsletter, they're asked to say why they're leaving. In a recent note, a dissatisfied customer wrote, "Because you are a crackhead who makes no sense. You sound like you write these horoscopes while you're stoned on mushrooms." For the record, I not only refrain from crack and magic mushrooms while crafting your oracles; I don't partake of any intoxicants at any other time, either -- not even beer or pot. I'm secretly a bit proud, however, that the irate ex-reader thinks my drug-free mind is so wild. In the coming week, Libra, I invite you to try an experiment inspired by this scenario: Without losing your mind, see if you can shed some of the habitual restrictions you allow to impinge on the free and creative play of your mind.
*
SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Sometimes the best gift you can give your ego is to tell it you're not going to be its slave anymore. You say to it, "I'm tired of being whipped around by every one of your ever-shifting little needs, and I'm sick of having to kowtow to your inexhaustible demands. I want to be free of your insatiable craving to be appreciated, recognized, and adored. Go away and leave me alone. I'm just going to be who I am without worrying about you at all."
Delivering this message may stimulate a healing crisis. Your ego could be temporarily rendered numb and irrelevant by its near death experience, and you'll get to go off and do what your soul wants to do.
Tell your ego you won't be its slave for a period of three days.
**Shedding habitual restrictions sounds like a really good plan, I think I will try that. Not sure about the slave to the ego portion though, mostly because I'm not certain I am a slave to my ego. If you know of ways that I am, please let me know so that I can work on it!
*
SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Sometimes the best gift you can give your ego is to tell it you're not going to be its slave anymore. You say to it, "I'm tired of being whipped around by every one of your ever-shifting little needs, and I'm sick of having to kowtow to your inexhaustible demands. I want to be free of your insatiable craving to be appreciated, recognized, and adored. Go away and leave me alone. I'm just going to be who I am without worrying about you at all."
Delivering this message may stimulate a healing crisis. Your ego could be temporarily rendered numb and irrelevant by its near death experience, and you'll get to go off and do what your soul wants to do.
Tell your ego you won't be its slave for a period of three days.
**Shedding habitual restrictions sounds like a really good plan, I think I will try that. Not sure about the slave to the ego portion though, mostly because I'm not certain I am a slave to my ego. If you know of ways that I am, please let me know so that I can work on it!
Friday, May 27, 2011
Relational Understandings
I promised I would post on Friday. This is not the newly revised totally new piece that I was going to write. This is what I composed earlier this week, with only minor edits. I will probably still write the new piece later, I just haven't had the time or the brain cells for it yet. Incidentally, yesterday would have been 7 months.
It is quickly approaching what would have been my 7 month anniversary with Mara. Sadly, it is also quickly approaching the 4 month anniversary of our break-up. It still seems so sad to me that what started with such promise died so quickly. I'm still listening to Adele's 21 and 19 which have become the break-up albums for this relationship (every relationship I've ever had has seemed to have one). There are just so many lines of so many songs that seem so appropriate that I can't stop listening. It doesn't break my heart anymore to hear them, but instead makes me smile a little and reminds me of what I've lost, which is an okay place to be. I guess that means that I am healing.
A few weeks ago I decided to read some of the old e-mails from Mara to me and vice-versa. I hadn't looked at them since they first arrived in my inbox. It was startling to read them now and see just how powerful our feelings had been and also how frightened Mara was of trusting me. And yet, she did. She trusted me to not be like the relationships from her past that had caused her so much pain and remorse. She trusted me not to hurt her, to be that "stand up" person that was consistently reliable, stable, sane, and capable of unconditional love for her and her daughter. I failed to live up to the expectations.
Mara had been able to accept parts of me that I wasn't sure I was ready to accept. Mainly, she accepted me as Aaron Christopher. I, on the other hand, had spent 11 years denying that part of me because I wasn't ready to explain it to my Mom and Dad or anyone else that wasn't of my generation. So, I did what I had always done, and chose not to focus on it and instead focused totally on Mara. As with all the previous relationships, this failed miserably. I have since learned that you cannot focus solely on the needs of one partner and totally deny your own needs. You can't help someone else be happy if you aren't happy with yourself. And, most importantly no one wants to be around someone who is in complete denial of their true self, what they want from life, etc, and is completely co-dependent on the reactions of their mother! I had no idea what co-dependency really meant until March, which was several months after Mara and I split up. Now, I'm working on it, well, the ending of the co-dependency shuffle in my life. It ain't easy.
I also read some of the e-mails and letters that I had written to Mara towards the end of things. There were so many times that I wrote about our relationship ending, being afraid that it was ending, thinking that perhaps it should end, how little time we had actually been happy together. I wonder now if I really wanted to be in the relationship or if I was just trying to beat Mara to the punch of ending it so I wouldn't be the one getting hurt. We didn't have an easy 2.5 months together. My dog died within two weeks of us starting to date, then I got a raging e-coli infection in my kidneys, then the holidays, rehearsals, and PTSD issues hit, as well as final exams, final papers, snow fall, and eventually starting school again. There was little time for us to really get to know each other before things just got all messed up. And yet, I can tell you that the happy times we had together were some of the happiest of my life. I was finally with someone who truly made me feel loved and accepted in all things. I could be myself and it was not only okay, but it was good. I was part of a family and I loved it. Admittedly, I was very out of practice when it came to establishing a relationship with a 13 y/o, but I loved spending time with her and her friends nevertheless. I loved the pseudo-parental responsibilities that I got to take on, shuffling her from one rehearsal to another, picking her up after school, driving her places, being there when she got off the bus if Mara couldn't be. I loved watching Glee with her on Tuesday nights, and sharing movies and Netflix TV at other times. I loved feeling like the proud parent in the audience, having that feeling of "One day I'll get to say I knew her when...." because she is going to be amazing. I still have no idea how she ever really felt about me, but I love her. She is such a beautiful, amazing, smart, talented, extraordinary kid.
Looking back, maybe I put on my rose colored glasses (which I actually had, but gave to Mara at some point) and thought everything was perfect. It wasn't perfect, sometimes it wasn't even good but, it had the potential to become a beautiful thing if only I hadn't gone so horribly wrong. Don't misunderstand, I don't rest the blame solely on my shoulders, it was shared by both Mara and I quite equally I imagine. But, my resolve to once again deny my gender identity was the catalyst for the depression that started in December and resulted in a lot of the issues that blew-up between us. I take full responsibility for that portion. When we split up, Mara stated "I don't even know who you are any more." She was right, she didn't. I didn't know who I was any more. I had lost my self by pushing pieces of me back into the basement of my soul. It’s been nearly 4 months and I can tell you that I am the person that Mara met in October, but I'm not fully healed. My identity is not fully solidified; I'm still working on that. But, I am back to being the stable, sane, responsible, capable, person that I was when Mara fell in love with me.
I have no idea if there is hope for reconciliation. I'd still like to believe that there is. Yes, I know I stated that there were more bad times than good with us, but the good was so good that I think the bad could have been worked through. In the early days we wondered why it was that we hadn't met earlier. I mean, we essentially grew up in the same town from age 8 until 18, we dated the same boy, just not at the same time. We've lived in the same town again for the past 3 years and yet we didn't meet until last year. Maybe it still wasn't our time to be together and that time will still come if hearts can be mended and hurts can be forgiven. I know that I bear no ill-will to Mara for ending our relationship when she did. She made a very difficult decision to walk away from a person who was not sane at the time in order to protect herself and her child. I respect and admire her ability to do that. If I had been in her place I don't know that I could have made that decision and held my ground. That being said, having tried once before to put a relationship back together after it had ended I know how hard it can be to let go of the fear that you are just repeating your mistakes. I don't know that I can let go of the fear that if she senses I'm having a bad day she won't run away thinking that it is another depressive episode waiting to happen. I don't know that she could ever really trust me not to hurt her or change into that crazy person who said so many horrible things to her. Only time will tell I guess. I know that I love her, some days I wish that I didn't because it would be nice not to feel this emptiness, other days I'm glad that I do because it is still such a living thing that I don’t feel empty at all. It's a catch-22 I guess. Only time will tell if we can forgive ourselves and each other and move forward. Right now, I've learned to let go, not of the feelings I have, but at least of Mara. I've stopped looking for her everywhere I go. When I see her I'm not trying to talk to her. I'm not composing letters to her begging for forgiveness and asking for a chance to try again. She needs time and space and a chance to heal. I'm here if she wants to talk, and I'm okay if she doesn't. I still feel that she is the Yin to my Yang, or perhaps it’s the other way around. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever known. Her smile makes me weak in the knees and melts my heart. Maybe someday that smile that brightens my day will be again directed at me.
It is quickly approaching what would have been my 7 month anniversary with Mara. Sadly, it is also quickly approaching the 4 month anniversary of our break-up. It still seems so sad to me that what started with such promise died so quickly. I'm still listening to Adele's 21 and 19 which have become the break-up albums for this relationship (every relationship I've ever had has seemed to have one). There are just so many lines of so many songs that seem so appropriate that I can't stop listening. It doesn't break my heart anymore to hear them, but instead makes me smile a little and reminds me of what I've lost, which is an okay place to be. I guess that means that I am healing.
A few weeks ago I decided to read some of the old e-mails from Mara to me and vice-versa. I hadn't looked at them since they first arrived in my inbox. It was startling to read them now and see just how powerful our feelings had been and also how frightened Mara was of trusting me. And yet, she did. She trusted me to not be like the relationships from her past that had caused her so much pain and remorse. She trusted me not to hurt her, to be that "stand up" person that was consistently reliable, stable, sane, and capable of unconditional love for her and her daughter. I failed to live up to the expectations.
Mara had been able to accept parts of me that I wasn't sure I was ready to accept. Mainly, she accepted me as Aaron Christopher. I, on the other hand, had spent 11 years denying that part of me because I wasn't ready to explain it to my Mom and Dad or anyone else that wasn't of my generation. So, I did what I had always done, and chose not to focus on it and instead focused totally on Mara. As with all the previous relationships, this failed miserably. I have since learned that you cannot focus solely on the needs of one partner and totally deny your own needs. You can't help someone else be happy if you aren't happy with yourself. And, most importantly no one wants to be around someone who is in complete denial of their true self, what they want from life, etc, and is completely co-dependent on the reactions of their mother! I had no idea what co-dependency really meant until March, which was several months after Mara and I split up. Now, I'm working on it, well, the ending of the co-dependency shuffle in my life. It ain't easy.
I also read some of the e-mails and letters that I had written to Mara towards the end of things. There were so many times that I wrote about our relationship ending, being afraid that it was ending, thinking that perhaps it should end, how little time we had actually been happy together. I wonder now if I really wanted to be in the relationship or if I was just trying to beat Mara to the punch of ending it so I wouldn't be the one getting hurt. We didn't have an easy 2.5 months together. My dog died within two weeks of us starting to date, then I got a raging e-coli infection in my kidneys, then the holidays, rehearsals, and PTSD issues hit, as well as final exams, final papers, snow fall, and eventually starting school again. There was little time for us to really get to know each other before things just got all messed up. And yet, I can tell you that the happy times we had together were some of the happiest of my life. I was finally with someone who truly made me feel loved and accepted in all things. I could be myself and it was not only okay, but it was good. I was part of a family and I loved it. Admittedly, I was very out of practice when it came to establishing a relationship with a 13 y/o, but I loved spending time with her and her friends nevertheless. I loved the pseudo-parental responsibilities that I got to take on, shuffling her from one rehearsal to another, picking her up after school, driving her places, being there when she got off the bus if Mara couldn't be. I loved watching Glee with her on Tuesday nights, and sharing movies and Netflix TV at other times. I loved feeling like the proud parent in the audience, having that feeling of "One day I'll get to say I knew her when...." because she is going to be amazing. I still have no idea how she ever really felt about me, but I love her. She is such a beautiful, amazing, smart, talented, extraordinary kid.
Looking back, maybe I put on my rose colored glasses (which I actually had, but gave to Mara at some point) and thought everything was perfect. It wasn't perfect, sometimes it wasn't even good but, it had the potential to become a beautiful thing if only I hadn't gone so horribly wrong. Don't misunderstand, I don't rest the blame solely on my shoulders, it was shared by both Mara and I quite equally I imagine. But, my resolve to once again deny my gender identity was the catalyst for the depression that started in December and resulted in a lot of the issues that blew-up between us. I take full responsibility for that portion. When we split up, Mara stated "I don't even know who you are any more." She was right, she didn't. I didn't know who I was any more. I had lost my self by pushing pieces of me back into the basement of my soul. It’s been nearly 4 months and I can tell you that I am the person that Mara met in October, but I'm not fully healed. My identity is not fully solidified; I'm still working on that. But, I am back to being the stable, sane, responsible, capable, person that I was when Mara fell in love with me.
I have no idea if there is hope for reconciliation. I'd still like to believe that there is. Yes, I know I stated that there were more bad times than good with us, but the good was so good that I think the bad could have been worked through. In the early days we wondered why it was that we hadn't met earlier. I mean, we essentially grew up in the same town from age 8 until 18, we dated the same boy, just not at the same time. We've lived in the same town again for the past 3 years and yet we didn't meet until last year. Maybe it still wasn't our time to be together and that time will still come if hearts can be mended and hurts can be forgiven. I know that I bear no ill-will to Mara for ending our relationship when she did. She made a very difficult decision to walk away from a person who was not sane at the time in order to protect herself and her child. I respect and admire her ability to do that. If I had been in her place I don't know that I could have made that decision and held my ground. That being said, having tried once before to put a relationship back together after it had ended I know how hard it can be to let go of the fear that you are just repeating your mistakes. I don't know that I can let go of the fear that if she senses I'm having a bad day she won't run away thinking that it is another depressive episode waiting to happen. I don't know that she could ever really trust me not to hurt her or change into that crazy person who said so many horrible things to her. Only time will tell I guess. I know that I love her, some days I wish that I didn't because it would be nice not to feel this emptiness, other days I'm glad that I do because it is still such a living thing that I don’t feel empty at all. It's a catch-22 I guess. Only time will tell if we can forgive ourselves and each other and move forward. Right now, I've learned to let go, not of the feelings I have, but at least of Mara. I've stopped looking for her everywhere I go. When I see her I'm not trying to talk to her. I'm not composing letters to her begging for forgiveness and asking for a chance to try again. She needs time and space and a chance to heal. I'm here if she wants to talk, and I'm okay if she doesn't. I still feel that she is the Yin to my Yang, or perhaps it’s the other way around. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever known. Her smile makes me weak in the knees and melts my heart. Maybe someday that smile that brightens my day will be again directed at me.
Proceeding!
Just saying that shot 4 is in, and I've been on T for 6 weeks now. Yipppeee! Now, definitely want to see some changes (just little things, and maybe nothing that anyone else will notice. I'm not in a hurry for the visible. :) )
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Libra Horoscope for week of May 26, 2011
According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the longest love letter in history was written by an Indian man named Harish Kondakkuli. The gushing 143-page message took him over three months to complete. Oddly, it was addressed to an imaginary woman, since there was no one in his life he was actually in love with. I encourage you to consider the possibility of exceeding his achievement in the coming weeks, Libra. You're at the peak of your ability to express wickedly delicious passions and profoundly tender intentions. There may even be a real person, not an imaginary one, who warrants your extravagant outflow.
SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
The German word selig can mean "ecstatic," "blessed," or "holy." It implies that profound bliss can be a divine gift; that deep pleasure may generate or come from spiritual inspiration.
The English language doesn't have a term comparable to selig, maybe because our culture regards ecstasy with suspicion. Religious people tend to believe that the blessed are those who are good and kind, certainly not those who are skilled at cultivating rapturous states. People who worship rationality, on the other hand, like intellectuals and scientists, often think of ecstasy as at best an irrelevant state, and at worst a nonproductive or deluded indulgence.
What would you have to do to place yourself in intimate alignment with the values embodied by the word selig?
(My answer. To find myself in intimate alignment with selig I would need to become more comfortable with my body. Find a way to stop the disconnect between my body, my brain and my ecstasy. That's something I'm working on. I want to find the way to unlock the door between my mental pleasure and my physical pleasure, and allow the two to exist simultaneously.)
SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
The German word selig can mean "ecstatic," "blessed," or "holy." It implies that profound bliss can be a divine gift; that deep pleasure may generate or come from spiritual inspiration.
The English language doesn't have a term comparable to selig, maybe because our culture regards ecstasy with suspicion. Religious people tend to believe that the blessed are those who are good and kind, certainly not those who are skilled at cultivating rapturous states. People who worship rationality, on the other hand, like intellectuals and scientists, often think of ecstasy as at best an irrelevant state, and at worst a nonproductive or deluded indulgence.
What would you have to do to place yourself in intimate alignment with the values embodied by the word selig?
(My answer. To find myself in intimate alignment with selig I would need to become more comfortable with my body. Find a way to stop the disconnect between my body, my brain and my ecstasy. That's something I'm working on. I want to find the way to unlock the door between my mental pleasure and my physical pleasure, and allow the two to exist simultaneously.)
Monday, May 23, 2011
Working on it!
Well, day two on the new job was relatively uneventful. Spent most of the 6 hours I was there doing online training. Not too bad, just slow and somewhat mind numbing.
Also, just an update, I'm working on the post about relationships that I promised in the last blog, it is not just sitting on the back burner (unlike the dishes and planting roses) I'll get them done eventually.
Also, just an update, I'm working on the post about relationships that I promised in the last blog, it is not just sitting on the back burner (unlike the dishes and planting roses) I'll get them done eventually.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Lots going on
So many things are going on these days it is difficult to know where to begin. I guess I should start by saying that I have a job! Yippppeeee! Its nothing amazing, I'm working at Lowe's, but it should be fun and will hopefully help pay the bills. Assuming I don't leave my paycheck in the store!
Secondly, I had a really great meeting with a professor in the Women's and Gender Studies department at VT. I'm considering trying to get into grad school in the Sociology department go for my Masters with a concentration in Women's and Gender Studies. Right now, I'm not certain I have the GPA to get accepted, but we'll see what happens by next Fall. They only accept people into the program in the Fall, and I doubt I can get in for August. Maybe I should talk to the director of Grad Studies in Sociology. Maybe I could start this fall, that would be insane! Regardless, there is a possibility that I'll get to tell my story to the Intro classes this Fall and Spring. I'm really excited to think about that. I love speaking in front of groups, especially when I know what I'm talking about, so, this should be great. I really hope that it works out that I can.
Third, I've been attempting to catch up on some DIY projects. Still trying to get the outside faucet to not leak. May have to call in the plumber (my cousin) and get some outside help. Its leaking at the connections, not at the fittings. I don't know how to better explain it. So it either means I need to tighten the screw fittings, or loosen them or remove the teflon tape or something. I don't know. Also still trying to figure out why I have internet access, but not phone abilities via the land line. Makes no sense to me. Maybe my phone is fried! I think I'm just going to cancel my phone service and then it won't matter. I don't think it will save me any money, but it might. Other than that, just your routine stuff like mowing the lawn, still planting roses, laundry, etc.
Update on my transition is about the same. The acne is getting much worse. My chest looks like I have chicken pox! Thankfully, it seems to be centrally located there, although my face is definitely oilier than it used to be. I also think I'm sweating more, but maybe not. Aside from that, I'm fairly certain that my voice is some lower, which is shocking, because that usually takes longer. The bad news is that I'm still having a period and the worst PMS of my life. My menstrual cycle was the one thing that I REALLY wanted to change immediately, and it isn't cooperating. Maybe this is the last one! I may be starting to get some peach fuzz on my face. I swear my upper lip is fuzzier, but it is all blonde hair that you can't really see unless you are 3 inches from my face. I also thing I'm getting more peach fuzz on my cheeks and sideburn area. But, again, blonde, can't really tell unless you are 2 inches from my face in really good lighting.
I did come out to my HR Manager as trans today. Told her that Ellen was still the okay name, but Aaron will be preferred later on. I'm hoping that I can switch from Seasonal to PT when school starts and then get benefits and change my name and hours and all that stuff. Who knows.
On a totally different subject, I've been doing lots and lots of thinking about my relationship with Mara, how it really was, how it ended, if it is ever going anywhere from here. I've done lots of reading of old e-mails, both that she sent and that I sent. There is a lot there that I'd tried to ignore or at least not consider that I really needed to be reminded of. I don't want to go into all of it right now, because I'm still processing it. When I started writing this blog I told myself that I would try to write on the fly and not pre-write whenever possible. This, I think, needs to be pre-written, re-read, modified, etc. There is just a whole lot there that I need to muddle through. In some good news, one of Mara's closest friends actually bantered with me on Facebook a few days ago. It made my day. SBJ is someone that I really respect, admire and care for. It has impressed me that she has remained my friend when so many of Mara's other friends have walked away. I felt compelled to tell her thank you because I felt sincere joy and thankfulness to be acknowledged publicly, as it were. I hope that in time she and I can be friends again. I'm not saying bffs, but at least not afraid to say hello if we run into each other in the store, maybe have a little conversation, etc. Just saying that I'd like to reach that point with a lot of the people that I have lost over the months.
Beyond that, its all been about the same. Hopefully, I'll get more stuff done tomorrow (since apparently I haven't been taken off to Paradise via the Rapture), maybe figure out my plumbing issue, maybe get the last of the roses planted, maybe some tomatoes too. (Anyone need any tomato plants? I have lots, I'll share!) And maybe, I'll even do some writing and share the things I'm thinking about relationships and endings and whatever happens next. I don't know. As I said, still processing. Regardless, I hope you all have a great Sunday. Enjoy the weather!
Secondly, I had a really great meeting with a professor in the Women's and Gender Studies department at VT. I'm considering trying to get into grad school in the Sociology department go for my Masters with a concentration in Women's and Gender Studies. Right now, I'm not certain I have the GPA to get accepted, but we'll see what happens by next Fall. They only accept people into the program in the Fall, and I doubt I can get in for August. Maybe I should talk to the director of Grad Studies in Sociology. Maybe I could start this fall, that would be insane! Regardless, there is a possibility that I'll get to tell my story to the Intro classes this Fall and Spring. I'm really excited to think about that. I love speaking in front of groups, especially when I know what I'm talking about, so, this should be great. I really hope that it works out that I can.
Third, I've been attempting to catch up on some DIY projects. Still trying to get the outside faucet to not leak. May have to call in the plumber (my cousin) and get some outside help. Its leaking at the connections, not at the fittings. I don't know how to better explain it. So it either means I need to tighten the screw fittings, or loosen them or remove the teflon tape or something. I don't know. Also still trying to figure out why I have internet access, but not phone abilities via the land line. Makes no sense to me. Maybe my phone is fried! I think I'm just going to cancel my phone service and then it won't matter. I don't think it will save me any money, but it might. Other than that, just your routine stuff like mowing the lawn, still planting roses, laundry, etc.
Update on my transition is about the same. The acne is getting much worse. My chest looks like I have chicken pox! Thankfully, it seems to be centrally located there, although my face is definitely oilier than it used to be. I also think I'm sweating more, but maybe not. Aside from that, I'm fairly certain that my voice is some lower, which is shocking, because that usually takes longer. The bad news is that I'm still having a period and the worst PMS of my life. My menstrual cycle was the one thing that I REALLY wanted to change immediately, and it isn't cooperating. Maybe this is the last one! I may be starting to get some peach fuzz on my face. I swear my upper lip is fuzzier, but it is all blonde hair that you can't really see unless you are 3 inches from my face. I also thing I'm getting more peach fuzz on my cheeks and sideburn area. But, again, blonde, can't really tell unless you are 2 inches from my face in really good lighting.
I did come out to my HR Manager as trans today. Told her that Ellen was still the okay name, but Aaron will be preferred later on. I'm hoping that I can switch from Seasonal to PT when school starts and then get benefits and change my name and hours and all that stuff. Who knows.
On a totally different subject, I've been doing lots and lots of thinking about my relationship with Mara, how it really was, how it ended, if it is ever going anywhere from here. I've done lots of reading of old e-mails, both that she sent and that I sent. There is a lot there that I'd tried to ignore or at least not consider that I really needed to be reminded of. I don't want to go into all of it right now, because I'm still processing it. When I started writing this blog I told myself that I would try to write on the fly and not pre-write whenever possible. This, I think, needs to be pre-written, re-read, modified, etc. There is just a whole lot there that I need to muddle through. In some good news, one of Mara's closest friends actually bantered with me on Facebook a few days ago. It made my day. SBJ is someone that I really respect, admire and care for. It has impressed me that she has remained my friend when so many of Mara's other friends have walked away. I felt compelled to tell her thank you because I felt sincere joy and thankfulness to be acknowledged publicly, as it were. I hope that in time she and I can be friends again. I'm not saying bffs, but at least not afraid to say hello if we run into each other in the store, maybe have a little conversation, etc. Just saying that I'd like to reach that point with a lot of the people that I have lost over the months.
Beyond that, its all been about the same. Hopefully, I'll get more stuff done tomorrow (since apparently I haven't been taken off to Paradise via the Rapture), maybe figure out my plumbing issue, maybe get the last of the roses planted, maybe some tomatoes too. (Anyone need any tomato plants? I have lots, I'll share!) And maybe, I'll even do some writing and share the things I'm thinking about relationships and endings and whatever happens next. I don't know. As I said, still processing. Regardless, I hope you all have a great Sunday. Enjoy the weather!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)